The Mighty Orq-To the Bone

The Mighty Orq To the Bone:

To my great disappointment  this album isn’t power metal, instead its watered down versions of every style of rock popular in the early nineties. The riffs never have more than two and a half chords, and the singer perfectly fits the role of the deep voiced sleazy singer. Not good enough to compete with Theory of a Dead Man for radio play.

Rating: 4/15 Tears of Eddie Vedder

The Alternate Routes-A Sucker’s Dream

The Alternate Routes A Sucker’s Dream:

Like Maroon 5 with a country twang. The exact kind of goofy crap that might actually get on the radio. Avoid at all costs

Rating:4/15 silly hats

It’s A Musical-The Music Makes Me Sick

It’s A Musical The Music Makes Me Sick:

Wimpier than thou keyboard driven indie pop. Everything about this album is soft, from the lightly harmonized vocals, to the brush stroke drums, to the keyboard presets. Oh yeah, and the lyrics really couldn’t be worse. Overall an annoying listen.

Rating: 4/15 cutesy lyrics

Fight Bite-Emerald Eyes

Fight Bite Emerald Eyes:

Boring minimalist Indie pop, only Sunn 0))) drones more.

Rating: 4/15 Yawn-core vocals

Fen-The Malediction Fields

Fen The Malediction Fields:

Creepy Black Metal guy gets hands on synth, Halloween sounds cd, and sings like Morrissey.

Rating: 4/15 Prayers for the Apocalypse

Caroliner-Our American Heritage Volume 1

Caroliner Our American Heritage Volume 1:

Some weird people in day-glo costumes haphazardly bashing their instruments while another weirdo rants about the eighteen hundreds. Some people equate the general unpleasantness of an album with the quality and artistic relevance of an album, these people are morons. If you are one of those morons buy this album.

Rating: 4/15 Old timey bucket wranglin’ jangles

Two Tongues-Selftitled

Two Tongues Selftitled:

Whine rock super group, drops a crap album for high school kids that don’t know any better. For assholes with wrist bands and Ironic DARE t-shirts only.

Rating: 4/15 Pity Fucks

Johnny Cash-Remixed

Johnny Cash Remixed:

Apparently Cash’s son and Snoop Dogg thought this was a good idea, how wrong they were.

Rating: 4/15 Sobbing corpses of Johnny Cash

Hot Panda-Volcano…..Bloody Volcano

Hot Panda Volcano…..Bloody Volcano:

Post-enjoyable geek pop. They should change their name to The Oh So Trendy Thick Black Buddy Holly Glasses.

Rating: 4/15 Wasted Album titles

Kimya Dawson – Alphabutt

Kimya Dawson Alphabutt:

A children’s album about Dawson’s more unsavory bodily functions.

Rating: 4/15 Pitchfork reviews which use elaborate justifications to explain why obviously shitty albums aren’t shitty

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